wakey wakey hands off snakey
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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