At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
