Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
