I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I supernannyed him into submission
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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