Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
this is an emotional support booty call
I want a musical about memes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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