what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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