He is an equal opportunity slut.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
