i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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