Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
