I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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