i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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