You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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