What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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