I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
