Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
