I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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