My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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