You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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