He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
