oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
