WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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