you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
