oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
