I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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