My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
