Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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