Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
