I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
