can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize