did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
