i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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