I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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