I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
