Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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