So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
