I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
worst night to have a conscience
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
