Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
