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Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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