thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
