Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
