Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
