If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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