I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
