everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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