Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can text with my tongue
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
