Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
