I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
