I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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