I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
