He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
