I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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