I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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