ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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