Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
