i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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