remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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