just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
