I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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