It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
