Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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