Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
