Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
