Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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