Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
