I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize