i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
