theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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