I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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