Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
