He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
