ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think my vagina is haunted
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I enjoy the company of your penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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