How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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