there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
