So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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