seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
