It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
