Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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