Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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