fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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