We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
