It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
